i was wrong ...

Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I've seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,
....

La vie n'est qu'une ombre qui marche, un pauvre acteur, qui se pavane et ronge son heure sur la scène, et puis qu'on n'entend plus, c'est une histoire racontée par un idiot, pleine de bruit et de fureur, qui ne signifie rien.

در روزهای آخر اسفند ...
در نیمروز روشن ...
وقتی بنفشه ها را با برگ و ریشه و پیوند و خاک ...
در جعبه های کوچک چوبین جای میدهند ...
...
فاحشه های پول پرست مقصر نیستند ... وقتی برای یافتن شغل مجبورند ...
دخترکان آهن پرست مقصر نیستند ... وقتی برای فرار از بی محبتی خانه پناه میبرند به ...
پسرکان مدل پرست مقصر نیستند ... وقتی حیا و عصمت جایگزین شده اند با ...
...
لعنت به شهر گناه ... ، ...

نگاه سرد عابران برایم دردی ندارد ...
در کنج تنهایی من ... هیچ کس جایی ندارد ...
پس از مدتها دوری ... فردا تهران را میبینم
و چه تلخ است دیدن کسانی که بیشترین شباهت و بیشترین دوری به تو را دارند ...
مابین شبیه ترین ها ... با حس تنهاترین ها ...
به امید که؟ به سوی که؟ ... گاه میشنوم: این روزها باید بگذرد ...

همین روزها ...
در گوشه کوچکی از یک روزنامه ی کثیرالانتشار ...
نوشته ای چاپ میشود ...
جوانی مُرد ...
و فردا در همان قسمت کوچک مینویسند:
به یک نظافت چی ساده نیازمندیم ...

هوا، هوای مردن است.. هوای رفتن و نماندن.. هوای گذشتن و به جا نگذاشتن.. هوای خفه شدن و سربرنیاوردن..
ولی از چه فرار کنم؟ به کجا فرار کنم؟ از چیزی فرار کنم که هرچه بیشتر دور شوم به من نزدیکتر میشود؟ ........
آری! تراژدی غمباریست!
گاه می اندیشم.. به تناقض مضحک دنیا.. به حسرت هایی که خوردم.. و به حسرت هایی که میخورند.. به نداشته هایم اندیشیدم و افسوس خوردم.. و به داشته هایم اندیشیدند و افسوس خوردند.........
دیدم و نفهمیدم .. فبأي آلاء ربكما تكذبان ..
بشنو..

گاهی فکر میکنم کاش در روستایی دورافتاده متولد میشدم ...
صبحها گوسفندان را به چرا میبردم ...
ظهر را با لقمه ای نان و ماست میگذارندم ...
زیر آسمان خدا در سکوت و تنهایی مینشستم و مینگریستم و مینگریستم و هیچ صدایی به گوش نمیرسید ...
و شب را با امید وصال دختر کدخدا صبح میکردم ... او که زیباترین و زیباترین است ...
...
...
...
بگذریم ... همه کارهای دنیا بر سرم خراب شده ... در دنیای تصنعی پوچ مدرن غرق شده ام و فقط نابود شدنم را نظاره میکنم ...
لعنت به همه دنیا ... لعنت به فقیر و غنی ... لعنت به قوی و ضعیف ... لعنت به بد و خوب ... میخواهم در بی معنایی مطلق زندگی کنم

A Shameful Affair

Mildred Orme, seated in the snuggest corner of the big front porch of the Kraummer farmhouse, was as content as a girl need hope to be.

This was no such farm as one reads about in humorous fiction. Here were swelling acres where the undulating wheat gleamed in the sun like a golden sea. For silver there was the Meramec or, better, it was pure crystal, for here and there one might look clean through it down to where the pebbles lay like green and yellow gems. Along the river's edge trees were growing to the very water, and in it, sweeping it when they were willows.

The house itself was big and broad, as country houses should be. The master was big and broad, too. The mistress was small and thin, and it was always she who went out at noon to pull the great clanging bell that called the farmhands in to dinner.

From her agreeable corner where she lounged with her Browning or her Ibsen, Mildred watched the woman do this every day. Yet when the clumsy farmhands all came tramping up the steps and crossed the porch in going to their meal that was served within, she never looked at them. Why should she? Farmhands are not so very nice to look at, and she was nothing of an anthropologist. But once when the half dozen men came along, a paper which she had laid carelessly upon the railing was blown across their path. One of them picked it up, and when he had mounted the steps restored it to her. He was young, and brown, of course, as the sun had made him. He had nice blue eyes. His fair hair was dishevelled. His shoulders were broad and square and his limbs strong and clean. A not unpicturesque figure in the rough attire that bared his throat to view and gave perfect freedom to his every motion.

Mildred did not make these several observations in the half second that she looked at him in courteous acknowledgment. It took her as many days to note them all. For she signaled him out each time that he passed her, meaning to give him a condescending little smile, as she knew how. But he never looked at her. To be sure, clever young women of twenty, who are handsome, besides, who have refused their half dozen offers and are settling down to the conviction that life is a tedious affair, are not going to care a straw whether farmhands look at them or not. And Mildred did not care, and the thing would not have occupied her a moment if Satan had not intervened, in offering the employment which natural conditions had failed to supply. It was summer time; she was idle; she was piqued, and that was the beginning of the shameful affair.

"Who are these men, Mrs. Kraummer, that work for you? Where do you pick them up?"

"Oh, ve picks 'em up everyvere. Some is neighbors, some is tramps, and so."

"And that broad-shouldered young fellow is he a neighbor? The one who handed me my paper the other day you remember?"

"Gott, no! You might yust as well say he vas a tramp. Aber he vorks like a steam ingine."

"Well, he's an extremely disagreeable-looking man. I should think you'd be afraid to have him about, not knowing him."

"Vat you vant to be 'fraid for?" laughed the little woman. "He don't talk no more un ven he vas deef und dumb. I didn't t'ought you vas sooch a baby."

"But, Mrs. Kraummer, I don't want you to think I'm a baby, as you say a coward, as you mean. Ask the man if he will drive me to church tomorrow. You see, I'm not so very much afraid of him," she added with a smile.

The answer which this unmannerly farmhand returned to Mildred's request was simply a refusal. He could not drive her to church because he was going fishing.

"Aber," offered good Mrs. Kraummer, "Hans Platzfeldt will drive you to church, oder verever you vants. He vas a goot boy vat you can trust, dat Hans."

"Oh, thank him very much. But I find I have so many letters to write tomorrow, and it promises to be hot, too. I shan't care to go to church after all."

She could have cried for vexation. Snubbed by a farmhand! a tramp, perhaps. She, Mildred Orme, who ought really to have been with the rest of the family at Narragansett who had come to seek in this retired spot the repose that would enable her to follow exalted lines of thought. She marveled at the problematic nature of farmhands.

After sending her the uncivil message already recorded, and as he passed beneath the porch where she sat, he did look at her finally, in a way to make her positively gasp at the sudden effrontery of the man.

But the inexplicable look stayed with her. She could not banish it.

II

It was not so very hot after all, the next day, when Mildred walked down the long narrow footpath that led through the bending wheat to the river. High above her waist reached the yellow grain. Mildred's brown eyes filled with a reflected golden light as they caught the glint of it, as she heard the trill that it answered to the gentle breeze. Anyone who has walked through the wheat in midsummer-time knows that sound.

In the woods it was sweet and solemn and cool. And there beside the river was the wretch who had annoyed her, first, with his indifference, then with the sudden boldness of his glance.

"Are you fishing?" she asked politely and with kindly dignity, which she supposed would define her position toward him. The inquiry lacked not pertinence, seeing that he sat motionless, with a pole in his hand and his eyes fixed on a cork that bobbed aimlessly on the water.

"Yes, madam," was his brief reply.

"It won't disturb you if I stand here a moment, to see what success you will have?"

"No, madam."

She stood very still, holding tight to the book she had brought with her. Her straw hat had slipped disreputably to one side, over the wavy bronzebrown bang that half covered her forehead. Her cheeks were ripe with color that the sun had coaxed there; so were her lips.

All the other farmhands had gone forth in Sunday attire. Perhaps this one had none better than these working clothes that he wore. A feminine commiseration swept her at the thought. He spoke never a word. She wondered how many hours he could sit there, so patiently waiting for fish to come to his hook. For her part, the situation began to pall, and she wanted to change it at last.

"Let me try a moment, please? I have an idea."

"Yes, madam."

"The man is surely an idiot, with his monosyllables," she commented inwardly. But she remembered that monosyllables belong to a boor's equipment.

She laid her book carefully down and took the pole gingerly that he came to place in her hands. Then it was his turn to stand back and look respectfully and silently on at the absorbing performance.

"Oh!" cried the girl, suddenly, seized with excitement upon seeing the line dragged deep in the water.

"Wait, wait! Not yet."

He sprang to her side. With his eyes eagerly fastened on the tense line, he grasped the pole to prevent her drawing it, as her intention seemed to be. That is, he meant to grasp the pole, but instead, his brown hand came down upon Mildred's white one.

He started violently at finding himself so close to a bronze-brown tangle that almost swept his chin to a hot cheek only a few inches away from his shoulder, to a pair of young, dark eyes that gleamed for an instant unconscious things into his own.

Then, why ever it happened, or how ever it happened, his arms were holding Mildred and he kissed her lips. She did not know if it was ten times or only once.

She looked around her face milk-white to see him disappear with rapid strides through the path that had brought her there. Then she was alone.

Only the birds had seen, and she could count on their discretion. She was not wildly indignant, as many would have been. Shame stunned her. But through it she gropingly wondered if she should tell the Kraummers that her chaste lips had been rifled of their innocence. Publish her own confusion? No! Once in her room she would give calm thought to the situation, and determine then how to act. The secret must remain her own: a hateful burden to bear alone until she could forget it.

III

And because she feared not to forget it, Mildred wept that night. All day long a hideous truth had been thrusting itself upon her that made her ask herself if she could be mad. She feared it. Else why was that kiss the most delicious thing she had known in her twenty years of life? The sting of it had never left her lips since it was pressed into them. The sweet trouble of it banished sleep from her pillow.

But Mildred would not bend the outward conditions of her life to serve any shameful whim that chanced to visit her soul, like an ugly dream. She would avoid nothing. She would go and come as always.

In the morning she found in her chair upon the porch the book she had left by the river. A fresh indignity! But she came and went as she intended to, and sat as usual upon the porch amid her familiar surroundings. When the Offender passed her by she knew it, though her eyes were never lifted. Are there only sight and sound to tell such things? She discerned it by a wave that swept her with confusion and she knew not what besides.

She watched him furtively, one day, when he talked with Farmer Kraummer out in the open. When he walked away she remained like one who has drunk much wine. Then unhesitatingly she turned and began her preparations to leave the Kraummer farmhouse.

When the afternoon was far spent they brought letters to her. One of them read like this:

"My Mildred, deary! I am only now at Narragansett, and so broke up not to find you. So you are down at that Kraummer farm, on the Iron Mountain. Well! What do you think of that delicious crank, Fred Evelyn? For a man must be a crank who does such things. Only fancy! Last year he chose to drive an engine back and forth across the plains. This year he tills the soil with laborers. Next year it will be something else as insane because he likes to live more lives than one kind, and other Quixotic reasons. We are great chums. He writes me he's grown as strong as an ox. But he hasn't mentioned that you are there. I know you don't get on with him, for he isn't a bit intellectual detests Ibsen and abuses Tolstoi. He doesn't read 'in books' says they are spectacles for the shortsighted to look at life through. Don't snub him, dear, or be too hard on him; he has a heart of gold, if he is the first crank in America."

Mildred tried to think to feel that the intelligence which this letter brought to her would take somewhat of the sting from the shame that tortured her. But it did not. She knew that it could not.

In the gathering twilight she walked again through the wheat that was heavy and fragrant with dew. The path was very long and very narrow. When she was midway she saw the Offender coming toward her. What could she do? Turn and run, as a little child might? Spring into the wheat, as some frightened four-footed creature would? There was nothing but to pass him with the dignity which the occasion clearly demanded.

But he did not let her pass. He stood squarely in the pathway before her, hat in hand, a perturbed look upon his face.

"Miss Orme," he said, "I have wanted to say to you, every hour of the past week, that I am the most consummate hound that walks the earth."

She made no protest. Her whole bearing seemed to indicate that her opinion coincided with his own.

"If you have a father, or brother, or any one, in short, to whom you may say such things "

"I think you aggravate the offense, sir, by speaking of it. I shall ask you never to mention it again. I want to forget that it ever happened. Will you kindly let me by."

"Oh," he ventured eagerly, "you want to forget it! Then, maybe, since you are willing to forget, you will be generous enough to forgive the offender some day?"

"Some day," she repeated, almost inaudibly, looking seemingly through him, but not at him "some day perhaps; when I shall have forgiven myself."

He stood motionless, watching her slim, straight figure lessening by degrees as she walked slowly away from him. He was wondering what she meant. Then a sudden, quick wave came beating into his brown throat and staining it crimson, when he guessed what it might be.

By : Kate Chopin

سلام ای بغض تو سینه ...

My Mother's Lies ...

راه چارە نداشته هايم تكه گچي بود اما
سفيد ....
خيلي سفيد
خيلي سفيـــــد
...
...
"فرزندم برنج بخور، من گرسنه نيستم." و اين اوّلين دروغي بود که به من گفت.
زمان گذشت و قدري بزرگتر شدم. مادرم کارهاي منزل را تمام مي‎کرد و بعد براي صيد ماهي به نهر کوچکي که در کنار منزلمان بود مي‏رفت. مادرم دوست داشت من ماهي بخورم تا رشد و نموّ خوبي داشته باشم. يک دفعه توانست به فضل خداوند دو ماهي صيد کند. به سرعت به خانه بازگشت و غذا را آماده کرد و دو ماهي را جلوي من گذاشت. شروع به خوردن ماهي کردم و اوّلي را تدريجاً خوردم.
مادرم ذرّات گوشتي را که به استخوان و تيغ ماهي چسبيده بود جدا مي‎کرد و مي‎خورد؛ دلم شاد بود که او هم مشغول خوردن است. ماهي دوم را جلوي او گذاشتم تا ميل کند. امّا آن را فوراً به من برگرداند و گفت:
"بخور فرزندم؛ اين ماهي را هم بخور؛ مگر نمي‎داني که من ماهي دوست ندارم؟" و اين دروغ دومي بود که مادرم به من گفت.
قدري بزرگتر شدم و ناچار بايد به مدرسه مي‎رفتم و آه در بساط نداشتيم که وسايل درس و مدرسه بخريم. مادرم به بازار رفت و با لباس‎فروشي به توافق رسيد که قدري لباس بگيرد و به در منازل مراجعه کرده به خانم‎ها بفروشد و در ازاء آن مبلغي دستمزد بگيرد.
شبي از شب‎هاي زمستان، باران مي‏باريد. مادرم دير کرده بود و من در منزل منتظرش بودم. از منزل خارج شدم و در خيابان‎هاي مجاور به جستجو پرداختم و ديدم اجناس را روي دست دارد و به در منازل مراجعه مي‎کند. ندا در دادم که، "مادر بيا به منزل برگرديم؛ ديروقت است و هوا سرد. بقيه کارها را بگذار براي فردا صبح." لبخندي زد و گفت:
"پسرم، خسته نيستم." و اين دفعه سومي بود که مادرم به من دروغ گفت.
به روز آخر سال رسيديم و مدرسه به اتمام مي‎رسيد. اصرار کردم که مادرم با من بيايد. من وارد مدرسه شدم و او بيرون، زير آفتاب سوزان، منتظرم ايستاد. موقعي که زنگ خورد و امتحان به پايان رسيد، از مدرسه خارج شدم.
مرا در آغوش گرفت و بشارت توفيق از سوي خداوند تعالي داد. در دستش ليواني شربت ديدم که خريده بود من موقع خروج بنوشم. از بس تشنه بودم لاجرعه سر کشيدم تا سيراب شدم. مادرم مرا در بغل گرفته بود و "نوش جان، گواراي وجود" مي‏گفت. نگاهم به صورتش افتاد ديدم سخت عرق کرده؛ فوراً ليوان شربت را به سويش گرفتم و گفتم، "مادر بنوش." گفت:
"پسرم، تو بنوش، من تشنه نيستم." و اين چهارمين دروغي بود که مادرم به من گفت.
بعد از درگذشت پدرم، تأمين معاش به عهده مادرم بود؛ بيوه‎زني که تمامي مسئوليت منزل بر شانهء او قرار گرفت. مي‏بايستي تمامي نيازها را برآورده کند. زندگي سخت دشوار شد و ما اکثراً گرسنه بوديم. عموي من مرد خوبي بود و منزلش نزديک منزل ما. غذاي بخور و نميري برايمان مي‏فرستاد. وقتي مشاهده کرد که وضعيت ما روز به روز بدتر مي‏شود، به مادرم نصيحت کرد که با مردي ازدواج کند که بتواند به ما رسيدگي نمايد، چه که مادرم هنوز جوان بود. امّا مادرم زير بار ازدواج نرفت و گفت:
"من نيازي به محبّت کسي ندارم..." و اين پنجمين دروغ او بود.
درس من تمام شد و از مدرسه فارغ‎التّحصيل شدم. بر اين باور بودم که حالا وقت آن است که مادرم استراحت کند و مسئوليت منزل و تأمين معاش را به من واگذار نمايد. سلامتش هم به خطر افتاده بود و ديگر نمي‏توانست به در منازل مراجعه کند. پس صبح زود سبزي‎هاي مختلف مي‏خريد و فرشي در خيابان مي‏انداخت و مي‏فروخت. وقتي به او گفتم که اين کار را ترک کند که ديگر وظيفهء من بداند که تأمين معاش کنم. قبول نکرد و گفت:
"پسرم مالت را از بهر خويش نگه دار؛ من به اندازهء کافي درآمد دارم." و اين ششمين دروغي بود که به من گفت.
درسم را تمام کردم و وکيل شدم. ارتقاء رتبه يافتم. يک شرکت آلماني مرا به خدمت گرفت. وضعيتم بهتر شد و به معاونت رئيس رسيدم. احساس کردم خوشبختي به من روي کرده است. در رؤياهايم آغازي جديد را مي‏ديدم و زندگي بديعي که سراسر خوشبختي بود. به سفرها مي‏رفتم. با مادرم تماس گرفتم و دعوتش کردم که بيايد و با من زندگي کند. امّا او که نمي‏خواست مرا در تنگنا قرار دهد گفت:
"فرزندم، من به خوش‏گذراني و زندگي راحت عادت ندارم."
و اين هفتمين دروغي بود که مادرم به من گفت.
مادرم پير شد و به سالخوردگي رسيد. به بيماري سرطان ملعون دچار شد و لازم بود کسي از او مراقبت کند و در کنارش باشد. امّا چطور مي‏توانستم نزد او بروم که بين من و مادر عزيزم شهري فاصله بود. همه چيز را رها کردم و به ديدارش شتافتم. ديدم بر بستر بيماري افتاده است. وقتي رقّت حالم را ديد، تبسّمي بر لب آورد. درون دل و جگرم آتشي بود که همهء اعضاء درون را مي‏سوزاند. سخت لاغر و ضعيف شده بود. اين آن مادري نبود که من مي‎‏شناختم. اشک از چشمم روان شد. امّا مادرم در مقام دلداري من بر آمد و گفت:
"گريه نکن، پسرم. من اصلاً دردي احساس نمي‎کنم." و اين هشتمين دروغي بود که مادرم به من گفت.
وقتي اين سخن را بر زبان راند، ديدگانش را بر هم نهاد و ديگر هرگز برنگشود. جسمش از درد و رنج اين جهان رهايي يافت.
اين سخن را با جميع کساني مي‎گويم که در زندگي‎اش از نعمت وجود مادر برخوردارند. اين نعمت را قدر بدانيد قبل از آن که از فقدانش محزون گرديد.
اين سخن را با کساني مي‎گويم که از نعمت وجود مادر محرومند. هميشه به ياد داشته باشيد که چقدر به خاطر شما رنج و درد تحمّل کرده است و از خداوند متعال براي او طلب رحمت و بخشش نماييد.
مادر دوستت دارم. خدايا او را غريق بحر رحمت خود فرما همانطور که مرا از کودکي تحت پرورش خود قرار داد

نه
فردا نه
چند ساعت بعد هم نه...
چند ثانيه ديگر هم نه...
همين الان...
براي مادرت يک کاري بکن
اگر زنده است دستش را گر به آسمان رفته است ... قبرش را ….
اگر پيشت نيست ... يادش را ….
اگر قهري...چهره اش را ….
اگر آشتي هستي پايش را...
ببوس...

وقتی میخوای ... ولی نمیشه ...

مثــــــه شیرینی خوابـــــــــــ ــــــــــــهـــ   مثهــــ گل لایــ ـ کتابـــــهـــ ...

Exoskeleton

F**king Exoskeleton!! yani mishe????!!!

یه وقتایی هم هست ک دیگه مخت سوت میکشه...
دیگه جواب نمیده...
اون موقعهاست ک باید بیخیال دنیا بشی...
دنیا رو بذار برا اونایی که حریصشن...
اون موقع دیگه میطلبه ک بیخیال شی و بزنی تو خط صفااااا :)))

اگه هنوزم ب فکرمی نگاه گرمتو ازم نگــــــ ـــــــــــیر ....

i'm off ...

F*cking Southern shandy-drinking bastard ...

فانتزی های من!

ﯾﮑﯽ ﺍﺯ ﻓﺎﻧﺘﺰﯾﺎﻡ ﺍﯾﻨﻪ که

ﺑﺮﻡ ﺗﻮ ﻣﺮﺍﺳﻢ ﺍﺳﮑﺎﺭ ﺑﺸﯿﻨﻢ ﺭﺩﯾﻒ ﺍﻭﻝ
ﺑﻌﺪ ﺍﺳﻢ ﺁﻧﺠﻠﯿﺎ ﺟﻮﻟﯽ ﺭﻭ ﺑﺨﻮﻧﻦ ﮐﻪ ﺑﯿﺎﺩ ﺟﺎﯾﺰﺷﻮ ﺑﮕﯿﺮﻩ ...
ﻫﻤﯿﻦ ﮐﻪ ﺩﺍﺭﻩ ﻣﯿﺮﻩ ﺟﺎﯾﺰﺷﻮ ﺑﮕﯿﺮﻩ
ﭼﺸﺶ ﺑﯿﻔﺘﻪ ﺑﻪ ﻣﻦ ﺯﻣﺎﻧﯽ ﮐﻪ ﺩﺍﺭﻥ ﺟﺎﯾﺰﺷﻮ ﻭﺍﺳﺶ ﻣﯿﺎﺭﻥ
ﻣﻨﻮ ﺑﺒﯿﻨﻪ ﮐﻪ ﺩﺍﺭﻡ ﺍﺯ ﺳﺎﻟﻦ ﺧﺎﺭﺝ ﻣﯿﺸﻢ !

ﯾﻬﻮ ﺑﺰﻧﻪ ﺯﯾﺮ ﺟﺎﯾﺰﻩ ﺍﺳﮑﺎﺭﺷﻮ ﺩَﻭﻭﻥ ﺩَﻭﻭﻥ ﺑﯿﺎﺩ ﺩﻧﺒﺎﻝ ﻣﻦ
ﺑﺮﺩ ﭘﯿﺖ ﺑﺶ ﺑﮕﻪ ﮐﺠﺎﺍﺍﺍﺍﺍ ؟؟
ﺍﻭﻧﻢ ﺑﮕﻪ ﺧﻔﻪ ﺑﺎﺑﺎﺍﺍﺍﺍﺍﺍ
ﻣﻨﻢ ﻫﻤﯿﻨﻄﻮﺭ ﮐﻪ ﺩﺍﺭﻡ ﺗﻮ ﺍﻓﻖ ﻧﺎﭘﺪﯾﺪ ﻣﯿﺸﻢ
ﺑﺮﺳﻪ ﺑﻬﻤﻮ ﭘﺎﻫﺎﻣﻮ ﺑﮕﯿﺮﻩ ﻭ ﺭﻭ ﺯﻣﯿﻦ ﺧﻮﺩﺷﻮ ﺑﮑﺸﻪ ﻭ ﻣﻨﻢ ﺧﯿﻠﯽ ﺑﯿﺘﻔﺎﻭﺕ ﺑﻪ ﺭﻓﺘﻨﻢ ﺍﺩﺍﻣﻪ ﺑﺪﻡ ﻭ ﺍﻭﻧﻢ ﻫـِﯽ ﮔﺮﯾﻪ ﻭ ﺯﺍﺭﯼ ﻭ ﺍﺯﯾﻦ ﺣﺮﻓﺎ ﮐﻪ ﯾﺪﻓﻌﻪ ﺍﺯ ﺧﻮﺍﺏ ﺑﯿﺪﺍﺭ ﺑﺸﻢ

ﺩﺭ ﺣﺎﻟﯽ ﮐﻪ ﺩﺍﺭﻡ بخاطرِ ﺧﻮﺍﺏِ ﺑﺪﯼ ﮐﻪ ﺩﯾﺪﻩ ﺑﻮﺩﻡ ﻧﻔﺲ ﻧﻔﺲ ﻣﯿﺰنم ،
ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺯ ﺷﺎﮐﺮﺩﻭﺳﺖ ﺍﺯ ﺯﯾﺮ ﭘﺘﻮ ﺑﯿﺎﺩ ﺑﯿﺮﻭﻧﻮ ﺑﮕﻪ
ﭼﯿﺰﯼ ﻧﯿﺴﺖ عزیـــزم
ﺑﺎﺯﻡ ﺩﺍﺷﺘﯽ ﮐﺎﺑﻮﺱ ﻣﯿﺪﯾﺪﯼ هـانـی !
یهو یه نور سفید بزنه رو تخت و من توی اون نور محو بشم ...

ass!

جدیداً دقت کردم و میبینم این ass چقدر کلمه پرکاربردیه!

Little cheap-ass spray gun !
Girl, don't make me put my foot in your ass (+18 !!) :D
Dumb monkey-ass had a pistol on him !
Look at you and your free ass !
Who was there for your ass, huh ?!
You get your ass in trouble !
I get your ass out !
They're just trying to put a fright in your ass !
You home because I spent $10,000 to get your ass home !
take my ass away for sure !
They were waiting for my ass !
Who the hell do you think got your ass out of jail ?!
The same guy that put my ass in jail !
The police didn't try and strangle my ass !
Because he needs my ass !
Well, my ass ain't the same !

البته جالبش اینه ک به جز تو جمله ی آخر، ass به معنای واقعیش(!) نیومده :)) کشته مرده این اصطلاحات و زبان محاوره این اجنبیام من!

پ.ن: جملات فوق دیالوگ هایی از فیلم jackie brown میباشد!

When everything go's wrong ...

شوخی ک نیس امروز بیای بگی عاشقی و بری فرداش بیای بگی خسته شدی ...

Today's top movie on my box Office(!): The Fountain /2006 by Darren Aronofsky

پزشـــــــکی قانونی می گفت :
یخ زده ...
مگر امکانش بود ؟!

تیتر روزنامه فردا این بود :
در گرمای داخل اتاقش ...
خیره به نقطه ای ...
جوانی یخ زد ....!

نمیدونم تا حالا کنسرت های گروههای متال رو دیدید؟ خصوصا گروههایی که پشت موسیقی شون یه مکتب دارن مثه دث متال یا بلک متال. توی این جور کنسرت ها معمولا آدما با قیافه های عجیب غریب و تیپ های به اصطلاح "کاستوم" شرکت میکنن. مهم نیست تو کی هستس و چیکاره ای. مکتب دث متال میگه تو هیچی نیستی! آشغالی!
میدونم در نگاه اول به آدم برمیخوره و میگه خودتون آشغالین! ولی اگه یه مقدار عمیق تر به موضوع نگاه کنید در حقیقت این مکتب داره شما رو به سمت عدم وابستگی میبره. قبول دارم که راهش چندان صحیح نیست ولی نمیشه به کلی اونو رد کرد. شخصا مکتب دث متال رو تقابل ذاتی طبقه بندی اجتماعی در زندگی مدرن میدونم. و اینکه در این تقابل این مکتب از بطن طبقه فقیر ایجاد شده.ناگفته نمونه که من وارد بحث جبهه گیری این مکتب ها در مقابل دین نمیشم و فقط دارم از دید روانشناختی به قضیه نگاه میکنم. حاصل این تفکر میشه خود ناتوان پنداری. یعنی این مکتب تحقیر رو تا جایی پیش میبره که به افراد بقبولونه که توانایی هیچ کاری رو ندارن و در نهایت راهی رو جلوی پاشون میذاره که اون بی اعتقادی محضه. در حقیقت این مکتب افراد رو به به چاهی میندازه و برای بالا اومدنشون از این چاه تنها یک طناب در اختیارشون قرار میده، یا میمیرند یا به زندگی برمیگردند، البته زندگی منفاوت از گذشته.
به شخصه اعتقاد دارم هر تفکری بر حسب نیازه که وارد یک جامعه میشه. بی مسئولیت بودن در شرایط کنونی تفکر پرزرق و برقیه! یعنی این تفکر پایه اجتماعی برای رشد خودش رو داره و در مقابل تفکر متضاد این موضوع نمیتونه تناقض های ایدئولوژی بی مسئولیتی رو آشکار کنه. مسئله اینجاست که یک تفکر برای ماندگاری نیاز به استدلال پویا و به روز داره. من نمیتونم بگم چون پدر من به فلان موضوع اعتقاد داشته من هم دارم. حتی در صورت حفظ ظاهر عمل خودمون هم میدونیم که در باطن این قضیه رو قبول نداریم!
سعی کردم نگاه متعادلی به این مطلب داشته باشم ولی احساس میکنم گرایش های درونیم کمی قضاوتم رو جهت دار کرده! اصلا نمیدونم چی شد که یه دفعه اومدم پای لپ تاپ و شروع به نوشتن اینا کردم! و اصلا نمیدونم چرا یک دفعه همین جا مطلبو تموم میکنم!

he won't go ...

Some say, I'll be better without you
But they don't know you like I do
Or at least the sides I thought I knew

I can't bear this time
It drags on as I lose my mind
Reminded by things I find
Like notes and clothes that you've left behind

Wake me up, wake me up when all is done
I won't rise until this battle's won
My dignity's become undone

But I won't go ...

والا!

محققان اعلام کردن مناسب ترین زمان برای ســکــس ساعت 6صبحه!!
خوب البته راست میگن!!!
یکی منو اون ساعت از خواب بیدار کنه قطعا میکنـمش!!!

life stages ...

طوری رفتار نکن که گویی شاهکار خلقتی...


یعنی میخوام تا تهشو بخونینا..

 ته پیاز  و رنده رو پرت کردم توی سینک، اشک از چشم و چارم جاری بود. در یخچال رو باز کردم و تخم مرغ رو  شکستم روی گوشت ، روغن رو ریختم  توی ماهیتابه و اولین کتلت رو کف دستم پهن کردم و خوابوندم کف ش ،  برای خودش جلز جلز خفیفی کرد که زنگ در را زدند.  پدرم بود. بازم نون تازه آورده بود. نه من و نه اصغر حس و حال صف نونوایی نداشتیم.می گفت نون خوب خیلی مهمه ! من که بازنشسته ام، کاری ندارم ، هر وقت برای خودمون گرفتم برای شما هم میگیرم. در می زد و نون رو همون دم در می داد و می رفت. هیچ وقت هم بالا نمی اومد، هیچ وقت ...

ادامه نوشته